Dear readers.
I am no longer able to continue this blog. I'm not a professional, and my previous post is an example of too little knowledge/training causing risk of bringing others in danger.
At present I will suggest using Responsible Researchers of Munitions and Arms (R.R.M.A) for weapons related questions. Website: http://www.armsresearch.org
Over time I hope some organizations will establish a permanent presence in the on-line sphere during conflicts to help people understand what they are being targeted with, and to return safety information
more (by June 7, 2013, edit December 27, 2017):
At present I have committed myself to a psychiatric hospital. This is due to an awfull lot of stress that have mounted since the beginning of this year. Therefore this notice - or addition to the original closing note - might be considered written at a bad time, since I have massive trouble concentrating and my mental defenses are rather cramped up.
(the added stress came from some extraordinary expriences which was - and still is - believed by medical staff to be imagined threats. However, I disagree, but since I’m unable to bring solid proof I’ve resigned to stay sceptical of the paranoid skizofreni diagnosis that I’ve been given. Also: those experiences ended abruptly in early 2015 and did so seemingly without any relation to use or “disuse” of medication, nor have they recurred since eventhough I have been constantly off medication since january 2016) this parentheses added december 27, 2017
however...
parallel to blogging I have been trying to solve some personal issues, that have troubled me over a longer time. I haven't had a lot of success with that, and it had me getting more and more isolated - while for a few years (2009 - 2012, ca) living on some inherited funds.
To me the problematic aspect of the situation was, that I found it impossible to share those negative aspects, and that my general life status / situation made me ashamed. To begin with the discrepancy between what people might perceive from the very guarded profiles I have online (Twitter, FaceBook, Google+, etc) and the "reality" did not seem problematic, since I found it acceptable to share thoughts and opinions in those spheres without necessarily sharing my private life. But as things developed and the posts I wrote started to attract an audience, at some point I should have at least sought to be more open about my situation (to allow readers to decided for themselves) or I should have decided that even though I found the energy and resources to do the analyses, then the stress from not being at peace with my own situation was an unfortunate "thing" to have to handle with the inherent risk of making me more prone to making mistakes.
To which degree this was the case I find hard to determine in my present state, since I am, and have been, experiencing a deterioration since late 2012.
I'm sorry for the cases in which this is causing disappointment or feelings of betrayal, and I have some shameful digging ahead. If possible and still relevant, I might expand this later.
I also want to mention that this is written in haste - even if the thoughts have been there for a long time - and that several aspects and details have been left out or forgotten.
At present I have committed myself to a psychiatric hospital. This is due to an awfull lot of stress that have mounted since the beginning of this year. Therefore this notice - or addition to the original closing note - might be considered written at a bad time, since I have massive trouble concentrating and my mental defenses are rather cramped up.
(the added stress came from some extraordinary expriences which was - and still is - believed by medical staff to be imagined threats. However, I disagree, but since I’m unable to bring solid proof I’ve resigned to stay sceptical of the paranoid skizofreni diagnosis that I’ve been given. Also: those experiences ended abruptly in early 2015 and did so seemingly without any relation to use or “disuse” of medication, nor have they recurred since eventhough I have been constantly off medication since january 2016) this parentheses added december 27, 2017
however...
parallel to blogging I have been trying to solve some personal issues, that have troubled me over a longer time. I haven't had a lot of success with that, and it had me getting more and more isolated - while for a few years (2009 - 2012, ca) living on some inherited funds.
To me the problematic aspect of the situation was, that I found it impossible to share those negative aspects, and that my general life status / situation made me ashamed. To begin with the discrepancy between what people might perceive from the very guarded profiles I have online (Twitter, FaceBook, Google+, etc) and the "reality" did not seem problematic, since I found it acceptable to share thoughts and opinions in those spheres without necessarily sharing my private life. But as things developed and the posts I wrote started to attract an audience, at some point I should have at least sought to be more open about my situation (to allow readers to decided for themselves) or I should have decided that even though I found the energy and resources to do the analyses, then the stress from not being at peace with my own situation was an unfortunate "thing" to have to handle with the inherent risk of making me more prone to making mistakes.
To which degree this was the case I find hard to determine in my present state, since I am, and have been, experiencing a deterioration since late 2012.
I'm sorry for the cases in which this is causing disappointment or feelings of betrayal, and I have some shameful digging ahead. If possible and still relevant, I might expand this later.
I also want to mention that this is written in haste - even if the thoughts have been there for a long time - and that several aspects and details have been left out or forgotten.
to clarify (by June 18, 2013):
personal issues in my case meant being somewhere in the schizoid area, and at present the diagnosis is schizophrenia with a good heavy layer of paranoia on top.
also: at the time around when I closed the blog, in some cases I answered "ok" or something of that kind, when asked how I was doing. I believe most other people would find it hard to use that term about where I was at that time. In these cases part reason for doing so was the knowledge that once touched upon, friendly people will care and will want to hear more to know if they can help or say something useful, and it has been my experience that I am - or at least, have been - unable to use such kind offers. That and the knowledge, that things could be worse. (but) If anyone was to call it lying, I can't complain.
But the core issue of this of course is still whether or not I was a hazard to others by dealing with such potentially dangerous subjects as munitions at that time. My last post might be seen as prof of that, but for different reasons I don't find that post typical of my writings, and since then my ability to concentrate and to recall how things were have been ripped apart, and I reserve myself the right to pass that sentence at a later time, when I - hopefully - will have recovered some of these abilities. However, should I come to that conclusion the shame will be immense.
..
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